Sirs, Shuffle Up that ‘Stache.

Well, good sirs, spring is here. The weather is heating up, the birds are chirping and it’s time to trim that facial hair you’ve been growing all winter. But wait, don’t go for that space-razor just yet! There’s entertainment to be had at your face’s expense! Who hasn’t enjoyed the deconstructive creativity of sculpting those follicles? 

And with the anniversary of our Amurr’can Revolution around the corner, pardon, Patriot’s Day… (OK Marathon Monday for everyone not from Massachusetts) … inebriated Bostonians have the perfect excuse to do silly things with their facial hair! 

First, have some kind of game plan on what you’re going to do to your face. The unfortunate truth is that no man can just step up to a trumpet and improv like Coltrane, ain’t happening; the same goes for shaving.

Second, use that trimmer your dad bought you – yes, we know where’s it’s been, but now use it correctly – and carefully sculpt that beard into a more manageable mold! 

Third, lather up and get creative! Some people prefer ‘The Whaler,’ (shave just your chin, and you get a ‘W’ for my Hartford Whalers) while others are more of a ‘Handlebars’ man, reminiscent of Hulk Hogan. Give it some ‘tude with styling wax; yes, sirs, it’s socially acceptable to buy styling wax for that awesome ‘stache. The glorious truth is: you can shave that thing on your face however you dern-well please. 

Take it out on the town! Make ladies love it. Make hipsters hate it. But most importantly, make it in time for day drinking with your friends Monday morning!


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